Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
tell me about the eggs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
