I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
