dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
