I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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