Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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