i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize