My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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