Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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