Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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