I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just found a bag of teeth...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
