Just cropdusted the office
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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