well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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