Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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