You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
