she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
