Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
