to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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