I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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