i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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