Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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