if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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