he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
