well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
