Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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