so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
