I didn't shave. On purpose
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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