Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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