ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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