He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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