why didn't you poke me back
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
