Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
