it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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