The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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