Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
