I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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