My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
