party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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