She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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