***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
