the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
