I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
