I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
