wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize