when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
