Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it glows. i had to have it.
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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