Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
