We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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