Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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