you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize