i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
