What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize