Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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