Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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