I've blown a few things in my day
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
