If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
