Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
