it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
