Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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