I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
