I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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