My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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