my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
