woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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