Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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