last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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