my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
