hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
