my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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