So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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