i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
