Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
