PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize