Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
